This won't end well
by pandanare
Summary: AU: Vegeta is no stranger to opportunity, so when a simple bounty job goes wrong, he finds himself hurled into a maelstrom of power plays, deceit and passion. Throw in a hot headed temptress and sparks fly in this humorous, psychological slow burn into madness. Starts slow, gets dark..with a surprise twist. M for language, lemons, suggestive themes
1. Chapter 1

**No DBZ or affiliate ownership here. Ladies and gentlemen, Give it up for Mr. Akira Toriyama**

Notes: So italics by themselves are flashbacks and italics with single quotes are thoughts. Then obviously the double quotes are for dialogue, capiche?

Shout out to HannaBellLecter whose awesome feedback keeps me going and to SarahWDBZ who inspired me to step out of my comfort zone a little. Don't know them? What are you waiting for check them out now!

* * *

"Would you like me to read that to the rest of the class?" There was no answer. Only the sound of shuffling papers and backpacks as the bell was close to ringing in the lunch hour.

"No?" He got up from his metal frame desk and meandered slowly over to the boy's seat. " Hmm...", he tapped his chin, "then why is that the third note I've seen you pass and this is the second time I've called you out on it?" He waited patiently for an answer with no hint of irk in his voice. He had a very good approach for dealing with repeat offenders passing notes. It was so easy to get riled up over print not pertinent to the study lesson, but with restrictions on what teachers are allowed to do and say getting more stringent by the hour, a nicer...sweeter approach was required.

It's really very rudimentary. Make them think they're not in trouble. Everything's copacetic. Almost..buddy-buddy.

And then read their notes to the class.

The boy's eyes averted down and Vegeta gracefully transferred the letter between them with sleight of hand. He didn't take his eyes off the paper until he made it back to his desk. The aloof look on his face made it clear that he hadn't made it to any incriminating parts yet, so he sat back down. One eyebrow raised slowly right as he heard a crackling teenage voice break through the crickets, " it's really just boring stuff about our Spanish project due next week" the boy stated anxiously.

"Is that right? ...Are you sure it isn't about your Spanish _teacher_? I'm sure everyone here is interested in how fast you...", his eyes narrowed in concentration as he leaned closer to the paper, "'get it up' when Miss Harkness bends over to empty her trash can." He brought the paper down to his desk and made a exasperated yet extremely confused face as he exhaled through his nose.

"Kirby" he paused, "this letter was written to your girlfriend, was it not?" He looked back and forth between the two students who had frozen shrugs adorning their shoulders. Neither looked as if they had any inclination of the slight depravity of the situation.

...The fuck was wrong with this generation?

As students began fleeing like cockroaches to the three part chime, he Let out a defeated huff and leaned his jaw into the palm of his hand, "Ginger, leave your home boy with me after class eh?"

* * *

 _'It'll be rewarding' they said, 'You can learn to give back to the community and enrich our youth with tools of yesteryear for a brighter tomorrow.'_

Vegeta glowered at the 'Class of '98 Career Day Seminar' running through his head. He looked down at his gravel patty the school tried to pass off as a chicken sandwich."What a load. Who the fuck says yesteryear anyway", Vegeta said out loud to himself. Across the table, the gym teacher, Mr. Kakarot successfully managed to keep his bolus from decorating the table when he heard 'fuck' out in the open from another teacher.

"Shhh...Vegeta, you've already been written up for inappropriate language twice this semester. One more time an-"

"What? They'll take away my ice cream privileges?" he snorted with over-confidence.

The goofy grin never fell from his co-workers face. "No, but they might make you do chaperone duty at the halloween dance again. Remember last year?"

 _Never mind this generation. What was wrong with their parents generation he thought as he stood against the streamer clad wall with a questionably spiked punch in his hand. Who let their teenage daughters walk out of the house dressed like they **started out** in the gutter? His thoughts were interrupted by hormone incarnate walking up to him._

 _"Hi Mr. Ouji! Do you like my costume? I had it made special for tonight." She cocked her hip towards his and bit her finger seductively as she looked up at him. "I couldn't wear anything under it without lines showing...so I didn't.." He let out an annoyed huff at first seeing the minor's clearly intoxicated condition, but decided he could use it to his advantage to relieve some pent up frustrations. He did love the looks on their faces when he.. dominated them._

 _He eyed her up and down, noticing the low cut sweetheart top, lack of bottom, other than what looked to be a bikini, and a headband with rabbit ears."Why yes Noel, it's the most creative costume I've seen all night. A slut." His expression didn't give anything away but the girls face dropped dramatically as he felt a pink slip making friends with his hand on Monday. Luckily, his judgement, per the usual, was solid and the girl just stumbled off to the next pervert she could trap. An unwelcome, slightly disturbing thought of 'she could do better' passed through is head as she saw her hand rest on the bicep of that disgusting,_ _scar-faced shop teacher._

Vegeta shuddered at the memory as Goku just smiled into the smorgasbord of baked treats he had gleaned from a few of the hopeful, single female teachers who didn't realize he was one china pattern away from being 'hitched'.

"So, Chi-Chi and I are going to a movie tomorrow tonight. She only works half-days on Fridays at the pre-school and I'm leaving after fifth period. You wanna go?" Goku innocently and whole-heartedly asked.

 _'Hmm...how many ways could he say no?'_

 _'Man falling off cliff: NOOoooooooooo'_

 _'Dog peeing on carpet: NO, No No No No-No'_

 _'When you go to the mall on black Friday: Nope'_

"No Kakarot." ' _Lack luster it was_ '. "Maybe when something more creative than a prequel, a sequel, a reboot or a spinoff is playing." Goku half smiled "but still probably not..." Smile, meet frown.

"Besides, I have to work tomorrow night." Goku never did understand why he wanted to work this _mystery_ _job_ on weekends. He always seemed extra annoyed and somewhat disheartened Monday mornings. "And what little time I've got left over, well, I'd rather not spend it in a sweat factory that smells like stale popcorn, urine and HVAC mold." Vegeta glanced down at the time on his Jaeger Lecoultre Master Geographic ' _well..maybe working weekends did have some perks'._

With his powder-mix mashed potatoes holding more of his interest than they should, he didn't notice the wannabe Rico Suave that always smelled of sawdust making his way over to the lunch table. "Hey guys. Happy Thursday. Only one more day till the weekend!" The shop teacher made a fist pump motion. Vegeta looked up from his potato pillow with nothing but disgust "Aren't you a little old to be underage drinking?" Yamcha took it in stride, knowing how easy it was to get on Vegeta's bad side, and decided to change the subject.

"So any plans this weekend guys? There's this new school nurse and I asked her if she wanted to see a movie tomorrow. Some really good stuff is playing ya know." Vegeta let out a humph as if he didn't just insult everything at the theater because of it's lack of originality. He lightly clenched his fists as another realization set in...How dare he change the subject when he barely got to insult him.

"Are you sure Noel wouldn't mind if you went with this _nurse_? No wait, that was last year. Was it Laila you were with last week?" he cruelly grinned.

"I told you, _Ouji,_ I was just helping her with choosing a school next year. She's a senior you know?" Yamcha managed through gritted teeth.

"Yes and I'm sure magicians assistant will look good on her college application."

Romeo gave him a confused look that told him he really had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.

His voice became low to the point of threatening. "Because she's obviously good at.." he glanced south for a quick second "making things disappear."

Oh.

Hell.

"HAHA that was a good one there Vegeta" Goku interjected desperately, trying to break them of their staring contest. "b..but hey..let's hear more about this nurse.. eh? She a looker or what?"

* * *

Twenty-three, no twenty-two. Twenty-two minutes until the bell rang. Twenty-two minutes until he could say goodbye for two whole days to the hell that was being a high school teacher... Nah, fuck twenty-two minutes. This ends now. "Class dismissed. Don't forget your lab reports are due Monday. Double spaced! First student who attempts to make me cripple my vision will be made into an example...Now get out of my sight."

As the rest of the class headed for a weekend of ragers and poor decisions, an un-virgingly looking redhead walked up to him.

 _'And here we go'_

"Mr. Ouji, I didn't know if you could help me? I can't seem to figure out this one thing you went over earlier in class " The girl leaned over his desk, intentionally setting herself up to try to get motor-boated. He leaned back from the situation as far as his chair would let him. "I get that there is a hepatic vein, but I just don't get the difference between that and the hepatic _portal_ vein?" The girl assumed the _I'm attempting to give you doe eyes_ position. "...you must think I'm pretty stupid, huh?"

Well...she was asking for it. Looks likes he wouldn't need to show up Monday anyway. ' _Are any other schools in the area hiring?'_ he thought.

 _..._

 _..._

"Oh... I didn't mean to interrupt." A pretty blue haired woman in a white coat and heels leaned into the doorway of A117. The redheaded slut* sized her up and decided she was more in the mood for a sure thing. She would just have to track down that shop teacher instead. The tiny fetus intentionally grazed the woman's shoulder as she squeezed by her in the only-meant-for-one door frame.

"Are all the female students here that transparent?" the bluenette laughed. A small smirk crept up on Vegeta's face and for some reason unknown to him, he continued the conversation.

"I'm petty sure two of my students are a skirt hike away from being duct taped with their hands behind their back and thrown in someone's trunk. Jokes on me. I thought _public schools_ were contributing to the increase in STD's in this country."

"Actually, that's what I'm here for!" she woman confessed with zeal.

After a few silent seconds, his eyebrow attempted to go back down, but then decided it was more appropriate for it to stay up. "Which one? Do you want an STD or to get thrown in a trunk?"

"What?! Neither moron!" He saw her blue eyes flicker with vexation before she inhaled a relaxing breath. "Sorry, I'm the new school nurse. I'm actually here for student education on sex, STD's, pregnancy and ya know...kissing boo boo's and stuff" she said with a wink. Vegeta just sat at his desk with a very convincing 'I'm not interested' look on his face.

She was pretty. She was very pretty. But lord, was she a walking stereotype. The good kind though. The sexy school nurse who wears skin tight dresses under her coat and 6 inch stilettos on her perfectly manicured feet. Probably into some kinky shit. Keeps tongue depressors and nitrile gloves on her at all times.

...

...

"..Is that a yes or...?"

"What?" he stumbled as he came out of his thoughts.

"Umm.. I asked if you have any anatomical models of the male reproductive system I could borrow?"

...

' _You would...'_

He let out a begrudging humph and walked across the room. "Let me check in the storage closet. I haven't taught A&P II yet this year. They might still be wrapped up...And don't even think about making a joke about that!" he yelled from the closet.

While he was cock deep in cocks, his phone started vibrating. Deciding he may miss out on a rewarding opportunity, he took the call.

13K was a pretty lucrative offer...but it seemed too easy. How ridiculous was it that someone, knowingly on the run, would really make an appearance in some place as conspicuous as a movie theater? Especially on a Friday night. Worst off, that dunderhead Kakarot would be there with his shrieking harpy. And that chromosome missing scar-face with whatever poor, pathetic...

"No fucking way."

"What was that?" she called from the classroom while playing with a trachea model. He stepped one foot out of the closet while holding a polyvinyl pelvis.

"You're the nurse? You. Are. The. Nurse? The one that sca- er that shop teacher Yamcha is going to the movies with tonight?"

"Umm, yes? And why did you say his name like it's something gross you could catch?" she clutched the thyroid cartilage, slightly annoyed. "He seems pretty nice to me and he was the first person who actually asked me for my name instead of my number." He snarled under his breath as she kept talking. "Besides it's not just us, that PE teacher and his sweet girlfriend are going to be there too."

She adjusted her attitude and gave a genuine smile, "You're more than welcome to join us?"

No answer.

Vegeta stared at her simply too long for her liking and she made a flustered hand gesture and started to walk out the door. "Thanks for the dick..dick" she grumbled just above a whisper.

"I may..make an appearance" he relented.

* * *

Stupid, tits..

He could've just stayed at home for once on a Friday, watched some scrambled porn and took the next hit he was offered. Now, because of _her_ , he had to make an _appearance_ in front of that shrieking harpy and those two troglodytes. Ugh.. it sounded so stupid when he replayed it in his head, enunciating 'her' and 'appearance' with a brilliant falsetto. Were they really that nice of tits anyway? From what he could tell they were symmetrical, had the right amount of give and would definitely fit in-"Wait...What is happening here?" he lambasted as he sprayed on Creed Aventus brushed off his slight case of 'bone storm' as maybe just being too long since his last ...transaction. _'When was that even?'_

 _..._

 _..._

 _Ah.._ _Ah.._ _yes...Yes...mmmph...w..wait a second. Hold on._ _He let out a series of curses before getting to his point. "Seriously?! We've already tried three positions. The same physics are going to apply no matter which way the missile fires.."_

 _God her laugh was dumb. "I know that, cutie. It just..doesn't feel right. Let me get on top."_ _"If we have to switch one more time..I'm getting a punch card for this" he warned. All things said, her being on top didn't emasculate him like he thought it would and it gave him a nice view of her ti- "Ah..ah...yes..ah..I..I have a question" She didn't stop bucking so he pretended to listen... "Can I..Ah..that feel so good. Can I call you ..keep going...Danielle?"..._

 _"What...?" Ministrations frozen._

 _"Can I call you Danielle?"_

 _All the brain function he had lost in a firestorm of lust was slowly returning to him. Jesus Christ he did not want it to...Just five more minutes. "Ugh..al..alright...?"_

 _Unfrozen. This didn't feel as dear penthouse as he would've imagined but there really could be worse names he reconciled. Maybe this wasn't so bad._

 _"Ca..Can..Ah..YES..I'm so close.. Can you call me Clark?"_

..

...

 _You need money for an Uber?_

* * *

Parking in a dark corner of the lot, away from everyone else, Vegeta locked his doors and leaned casually on his car. He hated leaning on his car. It served him well to never be a creature of habit. While his after hours forays weren't exactly debaucherous or even all that dangerous, they did inevitably make him _some_ enemies. He adopted all kinds of nuances and idiosyncrasies, even ones he found distasteful and asinine, to avoid becoming routine. He _really_ hated leaning on his car. But routine leads to habits, habits are predictable, and predictions leave a trail of bread crumbs. He checked his phone one last time to make sure he had the guy's face etched in his brain well enough where a mishap in a dark theater wouldn't render this bound-to-be hellish night devoid of any compensation. And god damnit, if Raditz gave him the wrong guys mugshot this time...

' _Is it possible to shave his head ...and make him eat it?_ _Eh..Worked on Nappa'_

He briefly looked at the ground quickly but changed his angle towards the sky, squinting as he reached his destination. He heard foot steps in the distance as he went over his detailed plan of how to kill the bad guy, get the girl and rub it in his rival's face. Or just nab the guy and take him down to the bail bond office, same thing.

"...Easy on the eyes.."

"What's that?" Vegeta didn't even turn his head in acknowledgment. "The stars. They're easy on the eyes."

Were they? He never really gave them much thought. What was the point? They weren't fleeting or fickle. They would always be there. They were almost obnoxious with how consistent they were. So damn..reliable. "They're...adequate" he conceded as he turned his head towards a grinning sea of blue. She smirked. Normally, she would go to bat for the stars, fisticuffs and all, but Bulma had a knack for reading people. A gift she called it. Her gift told her to let this one slide. Everybody gets one.**

"You don't strike me as the type of guy that would lean on their...Model S is it?"

So much for creature of habit...

"And you presume to know this about me how? No wait, let me guess. It was those inanimate dicks wasn't it..? I should kill them for their ..insolence." One side of his mouth curled up deliciously as he paused before adding _insolence_ to his threat.

She smiled genuinely. Oh yes. Her 'gift' had en egregious oversight: The quintessential badboy. Sure, she knew they type. She could pick them out of a lineup. A bronzed, sweaty lineup. Glorified underachievers who are centerfold ready and holding your second slice of death by chocolate cake.

In fact, a half-assed attempt at one was coming up behind her. " Bulma! Hey!"

' _Bulma? So that was her name? Yeesh'_

I just saw you pull up a minute ago, I was waiting in my car. Goku and Chi-"

"Mmh..Vegeta, what are you doing here? I mean it's cool that you came and everything but uh..I thought you, ya know, weren't?" Yamcha put on his best shit-eating grin.

 _'Vegeta? So that was his name? Yeesh'_

"Well Rico, I had a change of plans, it was either this or slowly rip off a band-aid." He kicked at the ground with his patent leather shoes. What was it about that meek, perverted weakling who lacked any kind of class or pride that got under his skin so bad? Why did he always feel the need to call him out for being a lecher and take the toilet paper from the bathroom before he went in toting a newspaper?

Some questions aren't meant to be answered he conceded.

* * *

Vegeta made friends with a pillar that looked like it could keep a secret and eavesdropped as his paycheck order his movie ticket from the attendant. Not surprisingly, the grab bag of invalids he deigned to be seen with chose a movie on the other side of the theater from his _victim_. At least the movies started about the same time.. almost like someone conveniently wrote it that way..

Vegeta argued his way to the end seat for convenience and Bulma decided to keep him on one side with Yamcha on her other for the rest of the patrons' sake. Even after only seeing a very brief interaction between them, her astuteness wasn't needed to pick up on the (obvious) animosity between them. She looked back and forth between the two metaphorically coiled bodies. _'Talk about being between a rock and a hard place...hmm.. but how har-'... "_ What the hell am I thinking?"

"Shh..don't talk during the movie." Vegeta rebuked with a smirk.

Her blue eyes squinted briefly and before her lips separated to put someone in their place, Yamcha unnecessarily opened his mouth.

"Hey, don't talk like that to her. Just because we've all had the _pleasure_ of getting to know the great Vegeta doesn't mean she knows how or even wants to deal with your shi-.."

"I CAN HANDLE IT, Yamcha." A plethora of Shh's came from the surrounding audience as Bulma overzealously chastised him for interjecting. The problem with most men, is they didn't know how to handle her. She wasn't dainty or weak. Delicate or subdued. She was walking fire and the last thing she needed in her life was to be a judge for a testosterone contest. Banana eating contest? Maybe. But testosterone. No thank you.

Looking a mixture of perturbed and hurt, Yamcha leaned back into his seat and tightly pursed his lips. Bulma scowled at a smirking Vegeta before turning the other direction and giving him a sympathetic smile. "Hey, sorry for yelling, but he was just kidding, alright? Besides, I can handle myself, see?" She held up her arm and flexed a small bicep muscle before giggling.

She did have a habit of overreacting, but she be damned if she would let anyone speak for her.

Vegeta pulled his sleeve up slightly and checked the time on his watch. A few encouraging inhales and he started to stand up. As he took one step towards the staircase, Bulma grabbed his arm. "Hey get some sno-caps, will ya?

"What?"

"Aren't you going to get something from the snack counter?" she questioned honestly.

"Seriously?! Have you ever _been_ to a movie? I'm not wasting 35 minutes waiting for the thorazine coma patient working the counter to grab some popcorn, _by his hands,_ and drop it into a two feet deep bucket, one kernel at a time."

"Fine, jerk. I'll just ask Yamcha, I'm sure he wanted something anyway." She whispered lowly, but lacking maliciousness.

' _Fucking tits.'_

"Jesus.. Alright, I'll get your damn sno-caps. Just...give me a few minutes. I need to make a call anyway."

She smiled a beautiful smile. "Okie dokie."

Vegeta stalked from one side of the theater to the other, careful to avoid the ticket checker, whom he could most definitely take anyway. He pushed the doors open to the dark room and walked to the end of the staircase before it rounded to the theater seats. He peeked between the railing and the wall and carefully spied for the man. One of many firsts, luck was on his side. He was sitting second from the end and the seat beside him was empty. With a quick nod to himself, Vegeta began walking up the flight towards him and stopped at his row. "Is this seat taken?" he whispered.

The man wiped popcorn butter from his fingers on the armrest before grabbing his jacket from the seat in question. Vegeta could tell he was confused by the vast array of so many opens seats, but he silently thanked anything that the man obliged. The two men sat, side by side, while Vegeta tried to figure out how he was going to get the requested confection _and_ get down to the bail bond office within a 10 minute span. ' _Well, I'll just tell her the phone call turned into an emergency and..and.. ah..Fuck it. They'll be other tits.'_

Showtime.

Vegeta turned to the man and let his eyes size him up for a quick second. The obviously worried look on the man's face prompted him to speak. "W..Why are..you looking at me?..Watch the movie." He could hear the uncertainty in the man's shaky voice. Vegeta tightly gripped the back of the seat in front of him, showcasing his tightly wound neck muscles, and gave an evil grin. "Well, I've already seen this movie and..spoiler alert...

..You die."

* * *

Authors note

* Anyone else remember these! Takes me way back to 21!

** Ha ha anyone remember this from Family Guy with Spiderman? So damn funny..but I digress..

Alrighty guys, so this chapter was more of just a set up. There will be more action soon but I needed to get the premise out there without giving too much away. This may or may not be more of a slow-burn type of story. I'm just going to go with it and see how it feels. It had a bit of a humorous feel to me too, which I wanted..but I may transition into more of a serious, darker tone. We'll just have to see. As always R and R and let me know about gross grammatical errors. Oh and I'm rating this M for language but let me know if you guys are interested in some lemonade ;) If you are (and you know I like it sowa. Woot) I may just keep twist of lime on here and post explicit stuff on AO3, but let's see what happens!


	2. Chapter 2

**Hope you guys enjoy! And there will be a long flashback so everything italicized in the second half is a flashback.**

* * *

Murder was oddly quiet. No applause or blame. No internal monologue..Just the squandering of a heavily undignified last breath bargaining for a second chance. It was so anemic in comparison to the climactic build-up, that any expectations he had, somehow fell short.

Vegeta stepped back from the pool of blood that was forming around the man's abdomen, careful not to step in it and leave any incriminating evidence. He wondered if there was any point considering this _was_ self-defense, but hard facts about bread crumbs decided the verdict. Walking to the less wounded side of the body he kicked the gun from his hand..just in case. Cocaine is a hell of a drug*

He began counting the tiles on the floor as his mind started to wander. 'Is _there a sweet spot in the amount of time you let pass before you call the cops?'_ The tiles started running together and forming even smaller squares. He grimaced as he ran his fingers across the welts forming on his taut neck. The tactile sensation brought him back to a reality he didn't really feel like dealing with at the moment. He chalked his evasive mind up to just being in shock and found a seat opposite the body.

' _Body? That's all he was now... Just a body._ '

Less than five minutes ago he had a name, children, frequent flyers miles and now he was just a vessel for overly prideful bodily functions to prove that they didn't need him, he needed them. They'll live on, even if only for a few days at most. But him? Nah. The sun has set on that relationship. He furrowed his brows and averted his eyes away to allow himself to think.

 _Was_ he in shock? He found it slightly unsettling that body bleeding out in front of him was no more intimidating than signing for a new car or going to the dentist.** There was no gut-wrenching fear. No bad precedence. Nothing..supernatural. So what happens now then? Should he mourn for this man, for this man's kids?..For himself? Well, all things considered, it was a decent shot, so perhaps he should hold up a score card and search him for loose change..

He ran his fingers through his hair haphazardly, pulling out a few loose strands. He rolled the strands between his thumb and forefinger and interrogated them unceremoniously. A quick tug of his cheeks pushed any further doubt aside that this _wasn't_ happening. So that's it then. He killed someone. In self-defense? Maybe. But it still happened. It still happened and things were different now. _He_ was different now.

Or maybe not. Maybe he wasn't different. Maybe he was more himself than he ever was. The only hint of emotion the seeping mass of sinew and contrition on the floor seemed to elicit was poorly timed jokes. Typical. Somewhere along the way his brain must've lost it's coding for empathy and compassion and rewired them to aloofness and disdain.

' _God..that seems tragic,_ _doesn't it..'_

 _..._

But what really happened here? How did it get so out of control? He always prided himself _on_ self-control and for _this .._ to happen? God damn...

* * *

 _The grip on his arm tightened significantly as the steel barrel imprinted a cool circle on his abdomen. "This is supposed to be a horror movie, so I'm not sure anyone will answer if you scream." The look on Vegeta's face gave nothing away, but his eyes had_ _the slightest hint of someone who, for whatever reason, was quite experienced in the matter. It was somewhat unsettling how little of a fight he put up._

 _They both stood up, close enough to look like something unnatural might be going on between them, and walked out the theater. Vegeta stopped them both as he saw the concession stand. "I've got to get something. Now, we're going to walk over there together, purchase something disgusting, and you're not to say anything, right?" The man nodded as the gun dug deeper into his side, still covered by Vegeta's jacket sleeve. With a box of solidified cavity waiting to happen in tow, they made their way out the door to the car._

 _"A..Are you going to kill me?"_

 _"What?! No!" Vegeta's lip curled up in surprise as it met the corner of his eye as he pulled out of the parking lot._

 _"You're wanted for unpaid child support and some overdue speeding tickets. I'm not sure how your bounty got so high, but-"_

 _"I have 9 kids."_

 _"Ah...Regardless I'm-"_

 _"Seven daughters. Seven young, ...beautiful daughters.."_

 _"Right.." Vegeta quickly stanched the perplexed look on his face to not further corroborate his confused tone._

 _"ANYWAY ..I'm not going to kill you. I'm just here to take you in. I don't actually kill people. The whole spoiler alert think just sounded clever, right?"_

 _Much to Vegeta's chagrin, the tone of the man's voice changed from scared to downright petrified as he looked down to the Vegeta's lap."Then what's with the gun?" Vegeta gritted his teeth. "Self-defense in case things go.." he made a circular hand gesture "awry..". He wasn't even sure why he answered his question. He looked over and noticed his passenger was sweating profusely and had developed a glowing pallor. Something in Vegeta's gut started to turn slightly and the level of apprehension in the air was becoming tangible. "I'm sure they'll let you off if you take care of some of your back payments." he spit out with an annoyed tone._

 _"They won't let me off.. they'll send me away. Away from my family... away from my kids..away from all kids...". Vegeta swallowed audibly and tried to focus on the road in front of him. Things were off..definitely off._

 _For the first time in a long time, Vegeta didn't have anything to say. The overtly stagnant air was becoming too suffocating so he reached for the toggle switch to turn the A.C. on with the hand not steering._

 _Just as his fingers gripped the switch, the gun simultaneously left his lap. Not a nano-second passed before Vegeta grabbed for the man's hand in an attempt to get him to release it. His other hand reached over and he dug his nails deep into Vegeta's hand as he used leverage to wrestle the closer to his chest. The swerving of the car forced Vegeta to let go and retract his now bleeding hand. With both hands firmly adhered at ten and two, Vegeta furnished a very, very rare look of distress. But which was more worrisome? That he now had a gun pointed at him or that he let is guard down, just for a second?_

 _"J..Just..JUST STOP THE CAR!"_

 _"We're in the middle of a highway. I can't pull over now.." Vegeta stated calmly. "Besides..we both know you're not really going to shoot me. If you wanted to-.."_

 _Vegeta heard the gun cock. 'Shit. Wrong thing to say I guess.'_

 _The pair kept driving in awkward silence and every now and then the man would tell him to turn here or there. He directed him to an industrial part of town that was sure to be scarcely populated at that time of night.._

 _Vegeta pulled up onto the dusty lot._

 _An abandoned warehouse..'How cliche..'_

 _The two sat in the car and Vegeta just kept his eyes forward. Trying to think of how to gain the upper hand, the man finally spoke. "G..Go in there." He pointed to a door on the back side of the building. "And don't get out too fast. I'm going to get out and go behind you. I..If you run..I don't know what I might do." The threat sounded empty but he also never would've imagined this guy had the balls to try to get his gun either._ _Vegeta exhaled agitatedly and slowly exited the vehicle. Good to his word, the man got out quickly and was behind him, gun pushed into his back, in a matter of seconds._

 _He door was locked so Vegeta was ordered to punch through the small window and unlock it. Once inside, he walked them over to a large bay window with a little bit of light shining through. They two stood in silence and stared at each other.._

 _With the gun still pointed towards Vegeta, the man pulled out a wallet and let a few pictures, secured in sleeves, unfold. He dangled the pictures in front of his face and began to smile as his eyes welled._

 _"Have you ever done anything terrible...Anything you regret but would do over and over again if you had the chance?" He sniffed a few times and closed his eyes and tears began to fall. With his mouth slightly agape, Vegeta just stood there._

 _An unidentifiable cacophony began to permeate the building. It sounded of a mixture between a rabid hyena and a heartbroken child who lost their precious new puppy. What few hairs that remained close to Vegeta's skin were now standing on end. Still frozen, he just stood there. Stood there and watched as this man fell apart. He could see the veins grow thicker in his hand as the grip on the gun somehow tightened even more. Then the flood gates opened..._

 _It was actually kind of pathetic to watch. Sure he'd seen grown men cry before..but this? This was just...sad. He was literally coming apart at the seams over what? Some over due bills? There had to be more Vegeta reconciled.. The sheer amount of phlegm and other liquids escaping his orifices were testament to that. Not to mention the fact that he himself was technically now a hostage.._

 _Through incoherent breaths, the man started mumbling. Vegeta was sure he heard something akin to 'It wasn't supposed to be like this' and 'tell the girls I love them'. The man dropped to his knees and brought his hands to his face to cry in some more._

 _Vegeta took this as his only opportunity if he wanted to see any tits ever again. 'Should I lunge at him? Try to talk him off the ledge? I can definitely take him, but how do I get the gun away?'_ _Surely it wouldn't be long before the man came to and decided to use the weapon on one of them. It was now or never. Vegeta never did beat around the bush._

 _With one quick leap forward his hand grabbed for the wrist wielding the gun and his body weight knocked the man down. He was surprised how strong the man's grip became as he tried to weasel the gun away from him. 'Shit, so it's true about backing a mouse into a corner..' Vegeta felt a knee drive into his stomach and nails claw his neck causing him to slightly lessen his hold on the psycho's wrist. He jerked his hand away from Vegeta and scrambled to get to his feet. Vegeta swung his leg around knocking him back down to his feet._

 _When he hit the ground the gun came dislodged slightly from his hand. They both went for it at the same time, but the man re-tightened his grip, aimed haphazardly and fired._

 _All Vegeta could hear was a buzzing sound. Everything seemed to slow down and he could almost feel tremors evacuating his bones en route to his skin. He wasn't really sure what the hell was happening but he thought he could faintly make out jumbled words. Wether they were coming out of his mouth or the other occupant's he wasn't sure. Hell, he wasn't sure if he was even alive. There was no bright light to follow so..? Of course the light most likely wouldn't be white or bright in his case, so it was moot._

 _What felt like minutes must of only been seconds as Vegeta's adrenaline kicked in and was on top of the man again. He decided he would either get the gun away this time or die trying. No honor in dying if you don't try._

 _He felt the butt of the gun slam down on his head repeatedly as he started to see spots. Feeling faint, he let the gun slam down for a final time and as it made contact he let his grip on the man's neck go and squeezed his hands around the gun clad pair. Assuming it couldn't hurt, Vegeta prayed that the gun was facing the right direction as his finger made its way to the trigger._

 _It was weird. He really thought it would've been a head shot. How did the barrel of the gun get pointed down so far?_

 _"Well that's neither here nor there..'_

 _It was a bit alarming how quickly he regained his composure._

* * *

He blew out a flustered breath and dialed three numbers on his phone.

It crossed his mind to send a quick text to that spiky-headed idiot, but decided to send one to that long-spiky headed idiot instead.

 _Raditz..We need to talk..NOW (expletive emoji)_

* * *

 _*Anyone? Anyone?_

** Hm..guess where I work. Teehee

AUTHORS NOTE:

Alright guys, you now have the basic gist of it in case the first chapter threw you off. Of course there will be more twists and turns ahead but now at least you have a theme. Sorry the "fight scene" was lacking. I've never written one before so I'll need to plan better next time. And yes, you'll see your favorite characters again. I just needed to set up the story. Oh and BTW, another writer said this once and it's very true. "Yamcha is just a good foil"

I actually like him as a character. It's just convenient for writing to bash him.

With all that, please R and R. I know, I know, it can be annoying to do so, but the reviews are like textual gold to writers. It really helps and we really like hearing feedback, good or bad. Happy readings guys!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: No DBZ ownership.**

 **Ok guys...sorry it took so long to get this one out. I pretty much rewrote this chapter 3 times and I'm still unhappy with it. Again, sorry. It wasn't fun to write and it might not be fun to read.. I'm not really sure what happened here? Truthfully I'm not. This chapter was supposed to go much much farther but for whatever reason it stalled. Then I got sick of looking at it. I don't like posting stuff I'm not happy with normally, but I just want to get this one out of the way. At least it does introduce some new characters. So there's that.**

 **But..umm...enjoy?**

* * *

The sound of phones ringing and papers being pushed was starting to give Vegeta a migraine as he waited around for the moron who put him up to this, supposedly unbeknownst to him. He snorted to himself as he looked around the police station and couldn't help but notice that he looked like he was in an episode of Night Court. Minus the honorable Harry Stone*.

For the first time, he looked down and realized he must've lost his watch somewhere in the scuffle, so he surmised on his own that it had been at least an hour and a half since he gave his statement. With his phone in his car and little else to do, he started making up names for the vast amounts of prostitutes that kept walking by. 'S _he looks like a Butterscotch.. There's Lickety Split. Eww that one's definitely Your Name Here.. and ah...there goes Pammy**.'_

About twenty minutes into his left cheek falling asleep, a familiar 'do made its way from behind a door with someone of obvious importance's name on it. "Sorry it took a little while. You want some water or anything?" Raditz asked as he scratched the back of his head.

"No.." Vegeta said in irritation. He looked around at the gaggle of street walkers, "But a glass of penicillin might be nice."

"I'll get right on it" Raditz halfway laughed, but not before giving a very unsuccessfully low key wave to a few of the 'repeat customers' dressed in what had to be children's size shirts and hot pants maybe? Vegeta sneered but refused to lower himself to the indecency of the situation.

"I know you don't usually deal with all the red tape and formalities, but I do need you to give one last brief summary of what happened to my superior. Vegeta huffed to himself and he couldn't help but think of a mental list of Raditz's 'superiors': everyone at the police station, all the children at school, that scar-faced-No..no that would be going to far..

 _"_ Yeah, alright..."

He followed Raditz into the office he had just come out of and took a seat in the chair directly in front of this 'superior', while Raditz leaned against a nearby wall. The leather chair in front of him rotated slightly so the man was looking right at him. He was big. Big by anyone standards, but with Vegeta being somewhat on the smaller side of average (only height-wise guys *wink wink)..He was fuckin' huge. The giant didn't bother introducing himself either, he just started talking.

"Impressive. You have a solid close rate on all your bounties and it seems that you've stayed within the guidelines of 'not to be injured beyond reasonable expectancy'..Well, for the most part anyway..But I digress. So get on with. What happened exactly?" The man unclasped his hands and grabbed a pen and a notepad, preparing to jot some notes.

Getting right to the point and forgoing the small talk was an ideology Vegeta could get behind, so he decided he would entertain the idea of the whole story. So he began...

...

...

..

It probably should've been harder to watch. He probably should've attempted a reassuring word and saved the indictment sheets for later. He _really_ shouldn't of been getting a slight jolly from the state of the person crammed into the all too small chair a few feet away as he gave a second testimony..

...But there was a little part of him that found it gratifying to see Vegeta squirm, even just a bit. The man was always so indisputable and proud. Like an impenetrable wall contrived of cast stones and mortar emotion. Besides, it wasn't like he was falling apart here, he just didn't look as 'haughty' as he normally did.

So was it really so wrong to derive a scant amount of brief contentment from that?

Yes. Yes it was actually. Not because of Vegeta's current state of questionable discomfort. No, let's honest, Vegeta was _born_ to be uncomfortable.

It was because the person sitting catty-corner to him, someone he had known for what seemed like millennia, most likely because of his brass personality and unapologetic attitude, was in a select group of people who had 'taken a life', and that was congruent with accountability.

The Vegeta he knew could deal with accountability. He just couldn't deal with it being doled out to him like it was a school assignment. That was going to be a problem. Raditz reined in his internal happy dance when the glare Vegeta and his superior were giving him told him to cut out whatever shit was going through that harebrained skull of his.

"Well I appreciate anything else you can give me, if it comes to you. I know these statements can be a pain, but I need to get as much information as I can on what transpired. Apparently, this guy wasn't just skipping out on child support. The sick fuck was "messing around" with childr-"

"Yeah I gathered that." Vegeta cut the man off. "He was babbling on about not seeing his kids or daughters or..I don't know..something.. ever again." Vegeta almost started to sound frantic with the tone of his voice. But his pride got the better of him and he quickly stanched that. There was something that was bothering him though.

"How did you seriously not know about this anyway?" He turned his attention back to Raditz in an attempt to not let the 'superior' speak yet. He hadn't done nearly enough reprimanding of his own. "I thought I was busting some cheap ass deadbeat who-"

"Hey!" The man's yell echoed through the small office, successfully cutting off a pissed Vegeta. "I know it's unfortunate that all this happened, but sometimes there's just no way of knowing what kind of people you're dealing with. It's not his fault...entirely." The man shot Raditz a curt look. "These things slip through the cracks sometimes and that's just the way it is. Why do you think you sign so many waivers before each assignment?"

Vegeta exhaled though his nose and quirked one eyebrow in concession.

The large man got up and made his way towards the obviously too small door frame, but not before resting a hand on Vegeta's shoulder. "Well, like I said. If you think of anything other details about what he was saying about the kids, please let me know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call to the poor fuck's estranged wife.."

"See yourselves out when your ready."

His wife? His _wife?_ Vegeta never thought about that part. He knew the guy had a family and assumed his children didn't just materialize out of thin air..but _wife?_ God, that sounded so familial, so nuclear..so..warm.

"Wife?"

Raditz looked back to Vegeta, whom was still wedged into his chair. "Well..yeah. His estranged wife. They were separated or the divorce was just finalized or some shit. In any case, it's just protocol. We have to write up the report and get any testimonies to rule out possibility of the perp being alive _and then_ we officially make 'the call' to family."

He didn't respond, rather just looked out the window towards a street light. Raditz had known him long enough to know indiscernible huff number three meant he felt...something. Maybe not guilt, maybe not remorse, but definitely something in his personal dictionary of rarely used vernacular.

And then of course his own guilt set in at the absence of a snarky comment from his equally well quaffed friend. He _was_ being a jackass earlier, enjoying watching Vegeta struggle a little with getting the story out a second time. Eh. well, it was sort of their thing he reconciled. Faux antipathy was just the language that they spoke. The problem was Vegeta just wasn't the 'console or be consoled' type, so Raditz wasn't really sure what to do at this point. He did _kill_ someone after all, so needing some sort of catharsis wasn't beyond any reasonable expectation. Even for someone as apathetic and sturdy as Vegeta-

Because he really did kill someone. Someone with a family, even if it was of questionable constructs.

Vegeta turned his attention back towards the empty desk in front of him and squinted for a nano second. "If you're done with twenty questions, I'm going home. But feel free to play another round of 'would do her/who hasn't done her' with your fan club of girls with daddy issues out there***." There wasn't as much conviction behind it as normal, but it was well played enough that Raditz assumed he would be slightly more 'himself' in a few days.

He just had to get through this next part, you know, for karma and shit. "Look, I know you're not into the whole 'let's have a powwow and talk about our feelings thing', but you know I am here for you, right? Just..just let me know. Whatever you need."

He was a little relieved when Vegeta just grunted, gave a half-assed nod and began walking out. Once he was alone, he picked up the paperweight on his superior's desk that could double as a mirror. He adjusted his tie and began matting down any fly-aways that were visible in the reflective globe, before walking out into the detaining area himself.

"Well helloooo ladies..Who needs bail?"

* * *

Damn it all...

Just when he thought he was going to get to go home and sleep this off like a really bad hangover****..

"Hey! Vegeta! Hey, over here!"

God, it was worse than salt in a wound. He closed his eyes in defeat and looked towards the origin of the sound getting closer across the station parking lot. This night really just couldn't end could it?

"What the hell are you doing here Kakarot?"

"Raditz texted me about two hours ago. He said you were assaulted or something at the movies? We were wondering why you didn't come back but I didn't check my phone until the movie was over. I mean we thought you just bailed or something because you didn't like-"

"Assaulted?!" The genuine concern on goofy's face only served to piss him off.

"You think I can't handle myself? Like I would let my guard down enough for some chump to assau-"

"Calm down homeboy, he was just concerned.. We all were."

' _Homeboy? Tch..like I didn't just say that yesterday..'_ He managed to get his voice back to a normal decibel, considering they still were at the police station. He looked over Goku's shoulder and saw blue tendrils bouncing towards them. "I swear to god if scar-face shows up too...", he grumbled to himself, or so he thought.

"Don't worry about that." Bulma laughed as she took a spot beside him. "It's just us. Yamcha took Chi-Chi back to her and Goku's place and he went home. I dropped my car off at my apartment and the two of us came down here." Studying his face a little closer, her autonomous 'gift' kicked in and she could tell he registered their concern as a means of emasculation."Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that money-maker of yours was okay and well..obviously you and Goku go way back so.."

Money-maker? He stiffened at her choice of words. Did she know something? Did she know what really happened? Did Raditz say something? As far as he recalled he didn't say anything about making any money..

"Money maker?", he stumbled in an irritated tone.

His reaction wasn't what she expected, but having no reason to dig further she tried to appeal to a different side. "Yeah. You know, your face." She gave him a quick wink. He rolled his eyes and let out the breath he was holding.

"Well as you can see, I'm fine and it has been a long night so if you two could kindly.. fuck off." Vegeta gave a mock grin and gestured a hand motion.

Goku pulled a Raditz and scratched the back of his head, "Well, it's already pretty late so if everything is ok, I need to get back to Chi-Chi. She may not make me anymore food tonight if I'm out any longer. I'm the opposite direction and you guys are actually pretty close to each other..so would you mind taking her home Vegeta? Pretty please?"

It really was getting too late for all of this shit.. So he blew out an exasperated breath. "Fine."

"Thanks! I owe ya. Want to come by maybe tomorrow or Sunday for a quick spar? You can tell me all about what happened tonight." Not wanting to further the conversation, he just grunted and began walking towards his car, with or without Blue. Like he would want to talk to anyone about what happened tonight.

* * *

"So what happened tonight?"

God damnit...

Vegeta quickly glanced over to his passenger as her face was illuminated by a passing street light.

"Look, we've exchanged like two jokes and maybe five sentences, so I don't think we know each other well enough to get into that, eh?", he shot back at her

"Geez..it was just a question. You mean to tell me you wouldn't even be a little bit curious if one of your friends stepped out for a snack and never came back? Or when you did see them they looked like they stepped out of a shillelagh fight? Not to mention, if it's possible, you seem even more high strung than before."

Vegeta gripped the steering wheel just a little bit tighter. "First off, no one says "shillelagh fight". Ever. Second, we're not friends (ouch). Third,...just no to **all** of that."

Bulma just flared her nostrils and set her jaw as she looked out her window. The second point stung a bit, but he was right. They weren't friends. Maybe she had some unrealistic expectations about tonight. Maybe she was just desperate to fit in and was trying to force something that wasn't right or at least wasn't ready. It's so damn hard to make friends as an adult and maybe she overstepped her bounds by thinking she had been let into their little 'circle' already.

 _Buuuut_ since they weren't friends, yet, he had no idea how stubborn she could be. "Well, they way you answered my questions leads me to believe whatever happened tonight wasn't random. Did you know this guy? Was this some sort of premeditated act?" She pulled the corner of her lip into an evil smirk. "Or maybe you were messing around with someone's _wife_?"

If the last 48 hours taught her anything, it was to expect a much more aggressive, albeit, entertaining reaction. She waited for him to blow up, slam on brakes, open the door and push her out..anything. Instead, she was greeted by downtrodden air and palpable tension. She thought about retracting her prior statement, but she really didn't know what she did wrong, so she compromised by not prodding him further.

"Umm..I'm the next complex up." she quipped quietly.

He drove past the pool house, ignoring the speed limit sign, and pulled up to the front of the breezeway she said her apartment was located in. She took the sound of the doors unlocking as her cue to 'get the fuck out', but ending it like this just left a bad taste in her mouth. "I'm on the second floor..can you wait until I'm inside before you leave? Or if you don't mind walking me up?"

He didn't answer. Just stared through the tempered glass in front of him. Taking the hint, she didn't say anything, just unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for the door handle.

"How many steps is it? I wasn't lying when I said I've had a _very_ long night", he huffed.

She gave him a triumphant smile. "It's just the two flights. Maybe twelve steps each? I just moved to the area so I haven't really met any of my neighbors yet and I'm not sure who-"

Vegeta held up his hand in attempt to silence her babbling. "Long night."

"Right.."

He waited while she attempted a third key and thought about making a custodial joke, but he was just too exhausted. When the fourth time was a charm, she opened the door with an overzealous "Ta Da". Being nighttime, he couldn't see if she had any swings hanging from the ceiling or if any misplaced handcuffs proved his theory right. But his job was done, so he turned on his foot without so much as a good night and headed for the staircase.

"At least wait till I turn a light on. There could be a murderer waiting for me in there."

...

..

' _There's a murderer out here.'_

Okay.. Maybe he wasn't as copacetic about this as he thought...

"Come in for a minute at least. I know we're not friends, but maybe we could get to know each other better."

What exactly was she proposing? "Look, I've only actually _known_ you for a total of maybe 3 hours, give or take. If I came in, no pun intended, I don't think this would be much more than just a misnomered booty call. Which normally, I wouldn't object to but-"

"WHAT?!"

For the second time that night, Vegeta said the wrong thing..

"What the hell does that mean? What kind of person says something like that? You think I'm just some cheap slut? Like I'm so desperate I would lower myself to a one night stand with someone who obviously has no interest in me..?"

"Well, that _is_ what a one night stand is..but no I wasn't suggesting that. Well, I mean I was, but-"

"Listen Buster, I was just trying to be a _'_ friend', though you've made it perfectly clear you're not interested. I wasn't trying to.." she paused for a moment realizing it was late and she did have neighbors. "I wasn't trying to obligate you or suggest anything." She softened her voice. "I really did just move to the area and I just haven't gotten to know anybody here. I didn't have a lot of friends where I came from and..and I don't know, I just thought if I was more assertive and outgoing... things would be different here. I know you're tired and it's late but.." She attempted a smile. "You could at least let me look at your neck."

Vegeta instinctively cupped the long forgotten scratch on his neck covered by his collar. It stopped bleeding hours ago, but the light in her apartment brought out obvious red stains on his white shirt. "I am a nurse, you know."

He dropped his hand to his side and metaphorically held up his white flag.

Per her instruction, he took a seat on her couch as she got a bottle from the freezer and a bottle from the bathroom. She sat down the two bottles on the coffee table and grabbed a tissue from the box as she seated herself beside him. "This might sting a bit, but I've got just the thing for that too." She held up the bottle from the freezer as if she was trying to sell a demonstration. "But you don't get this until I'm done. Think of it as an adult lollipop. You do drink, right?"

Alcohol, hot nurse, 'lollipops'? Yeah, this had to be an episode of Night Court. Or Co-ed Confidential...N..Not that he knew what that was or anything..

"Occasionally."

"Good. Now hold still." She saturated the rag in something that smelled exceedingly sterile and pressed it against his neck. Her stomach knotted a little at the sensation of his corded muscles under her finger indentions the damp rag produced. She mentally went through the checklist of reasons to forget her inhibitions: Smells good, check. Looks good, check. Probably wouldn't tell anyone about this, check. Could potentially put Ron Jeremy to shame, check? But then she chastised herself for even considering that with the earful she had just given him a few minutes prior. But damn did he smell good.. and when was the last time she had sex anyway?

 _..._

 _.._

 _"You've been a naughty girl.. I think you need a spanking..."_

 _"Hmm..maybe I have been naughty.. I can't help it though. She bit her finger seductively and looked up at him. "When I'm around you I just want to do bad things to you." She unhooked the top button of her nurse costume. "Wouldn't it be bad of me to tease you with my tongue but not give you anything else."_

 _"That would be bad. Maybe a spanking isn't enough.." He pushed the top part of her dress down to her hips and unzipped his pants. "Maybe I need to gag you with something.. " She looked at the increasing bulge threatening to fall out of his pants and bit her lip. "But then I can't hear you scream my name. I guess I'll have to find another way to punish you." He pulled her up off of her knees and tugged her dress to the ground. He spun her around and gave her a quick slap on the bottom, causing her to squeal with delight._

 _"You've been extra naughty.. so I'll need to get creative.."_

 _"I've always hated being tickled.." she cooed. "I might have something for that in the top drawer over th-"_

 _"NO. That's not enough.."_

 _"Well, I really hate when you come on my fac-"_

 _".._ _I'm going to rape your sister and shoot your dog..."_

 _..._

 _.._

 _"I'm not paying for the uber."_

 _..._

 _.._

She shuddered at the thought as she peeled the makeshift rag off of his neck. "You know, this actually looks pretty cool. Look's like you had yourself a 'good time'." She winked and subsequently laughed when he made a disgusted face. "Vulgar woman."

"I'm the vulgar one? I'm not the one pitching a tent so high in my pants, it shows through my jacket."

"What? I'm not.." He looked down faster than his face could redden and noticed there was a protrusion coming from the jacket strewn across his lap. He let out a sigh and reached into the inside pocket and pulled out a box of sno-caps.

Okay, so her face was really cute when she was happy. Like it's really late and I'm super tired so I might just forget everything I said earlier kind of cute.

She leaned across him for the box, just as he pulled it out of her reach. "What are they worth to you?" he grinned lazily yet deliciously.

'The smolder' was a universal invitation to the pants party right?

It was a guessing game who made the first move but the crimson stained shirt was the first to come off, followed by her shirt and someone's socks. She straddled his lap and attempted to make a matching mark on the other side of his neck with her mouth. He gripped her waist and pulled her back, realizing he didn't want to go to work with 'ask me how my weekend was' tattooed on his neck. He slid his hands down her butt and under her thighs, lifting both of them off the couch as she started kissing his face.

"..Bedroom...that way", she panted between kisses as she wrapped her legs around him. They landed on her bed with a thud and him on top of her as she started taking his pants off.

He reached behind his back and pulled his white undershirt over his head. She stood up to shimmy out of her pants and froze when she saw the man in front of her that had to be chiseled out of stone. Had she ever used the word perfection to describe anything other than the aforementioned death by chocolate cake? If so, she took it back. She took it all back. All except that damn cake.

He leaned to the side and grabbed her while she was still entranced, pulling her onto the bed. She straddled his lap again, enjoying the pulsating covered by the thin material of their underwear. She leaned down to kiss him but felt a warm hand to her chest instead.

"...Are you sure?"

* * *

* Totally crushed on him

** I have no problem with the name Pammy. Had a friend named that, so I thought it was funny. Go Pammies!

*** Not at all making light of the issue or reducing it to something unimportant. Just went with the story.

**** Kudos to DBZ Abridged!

* * *

 **Notes: Yeah..I wasn't lying. This chapter was bleh. It was like it didn't know when to be over but I didn't get nearly as far with it as I should've pace wise..? At some point I just said, "Fuck it. This ends here" and cut it off. I didn't really even attempt a lemon..That's a damn shame. Regardless, I've made peace with it and I'm not going to fret about it anymore. Next one will be better. I'll try to get it out sooner as well, but I'm doing my typical 'hiding behind my one-shot' thing' and I'm working on a piece for HannaBellLecter at the moment. I still appreciate reviews if you guys are up to it this go round.**


	4. Chapter 4

Authors note: Holy shit you guys! I forgot to post this chapter on here! I posted it over on AO3 and someone forgot fanfic. Sorry about that! For this chapter, I did the character's internal thoughts differently. They're still italicized, they just don't have the single quotes around them. Hope that's not too confusing. The only one that's different is the last part which is a flashback. His thought in that one isn't italicized, just regular text and I do believe I did leave the single quotes for that one. Hope that's not too confusing.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Slamming his fist down on his alarm, Vegeta rolled over and debated skipping his workout. Mondays were the always the day his bed chose to be the most comfortable but given the weekend he had, it was like sleeping in a marshmallow peep. A bunny shaped one to be specific. He grabbed his phone before the snooze could go off again and squinted at the time. He still had a good hour and a half before work so maybe he'd do a quick workout and skip breakfast instead.

With his legs wobbling and his shoulders on fire, he peeled off his training shorts and set the shower to ultra-inferno. The water stung the still healing scrape on his neck and when he brought his hand to it, he unintentionally brought back some memories of that night as well. He sighed and leaned against the shower wall, letting the scalding water punish the raging semi he was egregiously sporting. His weekend consisted of dead bodies, cock blocks and a shitty movies... So yeah, better just burn that dick off.

After buttoning his shirt, he rolled up one sleeve and started to look for his watch. He blew out a huff of air and tilted his head towards the ceiling when he couldn't find it...again. For all he knew it was in some pawn shop or on some Shawty's wrist. Probably had the face changed out for a wall clock..

He went into the kitchen and when he glanced at the microwave clock he debated grabbing a quick bite to eat. The only cereal in his pantry was either LBGTQ loops or corrugated bran with raisins. Neither sounded appealing so he convinced himself he had enough time for coffee and bagels.

The smell of blueberry and cinnamon raisin bagels teased his palate as he entered the cafe closest to his house. He studied the array of coffee and espresso drinks carefully, confused at what the real difference was between most of them, but turned his attention to his surroundings when something else caught his eye. He always noticed there never seemed to be a shortage of single (maybe, who cares?), attractive women in his neighborhood, but today the coffee shop seemed to be riddled with wet T-shirt contestants.

As he walked towards the counter, he caught a couple of suggestive winks and for the first time in 48 hours, he wasn't totally unhappy with his decision. Especially considering the woman behind the counter looked like she moonlighted as a 1-900 operator. Something about her was a little off-putting though. Maybe the fact that she had blue hair? Whatever, the low cut shirt made up for that. After ordering, she handed over his coffee first and gave him his total as he sipped on it.

"...You can stick it in now.."

"Wha-?" he choked into his cup.

"Your credit card, silly" she laughed softly. "It's ready for you.."

She looked down..

..And pointed to the machine.

"Right.."

He was starting to think it was all in his head until she made a comment about how much cream she liked in her coffee as she handed him his bagel.

She was indeed attractive, but the blue hair wasn't doing it for him, so he brushed her comments off and turned towards his phone. She really was more suited for Raditz...

 _I WAS KIDDING!_

"Hey I didn't know you came here." Raditz gave him a quick punch in the shoulder.

The vein on Vegeta's head started to pulse slightly.

"Why are you here?" he snapped.

"Oh, when I was at your house the other night I took your phone and enabled location so I can see where you're at."

Could a vein go from bulge to straight up aneurism?

Swearing he could feel pictures rattling off walls and plates cracking, Raditz held up his hands in defense. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding! It was a joke."

Vegeta failed to see the humor as a fork mysteriously flew off of someone's plate...

"You know I live like three blocks from here. I come here some mornings before work." All the words came out cobbled together at break neck speeds and he let out a nervous laugh. "And I mean come on, have you _seen_ some of these chicks? Especially the one behind the counter."

Vegeta really was a good judge of character.

He brought his hand to his face and muffled something into it, probably an insult. "I'm going to be late for work. Enjoy 36-24-36."

Failing to get the number reference, Raditz waved him off as he stepped up to the counter to order. "So which pie do you recommend..."

-0-0-0-0-

Vegeta strummed his fingers on the table in agitation as he waited for the principal to begin the morning meeting. These meetings were pointless, always ran over and half of the staff didn't even show up. Except today, the room was full. He wasn't even sure if he knew everyone there. Maybe he missed some memo and the 'mandatory' meeting that morning was indeed mandatory.

A few more people shuffled in, one being the school nurse, just as the principal began his sermon.

"As everyone knows, the halloween dance is next Friday and-"

A collective grown emanated from the crowd.

The principal raised his voice in annoyance "AND.. we need some volunteers to chaperone. It will be a three hour event and I've split the shifts into one hour each. If I can get three staff members on every shift, I only need nine of you. So who's first ..Hm?"

Everyone in the room either avoided eye contact or pretended to be checking their schedule. The principal let out huff. "Look, I don't like chaperoning these things either-"

"That's why you never do." Vegeta interrupted.

"Well thank you for being my first volunteer Mr. Ojie."

"WHAT?! No way. I'm not wasting a Frida-"

"We can make that two shifts if you'd like?" The principal straightened his glasses and began looking around the room for more volunteers.

 _Tch..unbelievable._

"Now, we need eight more people. Any takers?"

"No..?"

"Listen, I know everyone showed up so I couldn't recruit you behind your backs, but I don't have to ask. I'm doing this as a courtesy."

The principal pulled out a roster of the faculty names and started calling out a few. It was going in alphabetical order so one faculty member raised their hand before he got to the 'B's.

"I can do it, it's fine. So long as I get the first shift."

"Ah, thank you Miss Bulma. I'll put you on the first shift with Mr. Ojie then."

She looked over to Vegeta but as soon as their eyes made contact he glared and looked away.

 _What's his deal?_

A few more teachers started volunteering as the rest of the staff snuck off to their classrooms. Vegeta made sure he took the long way, not really feeling like dealing with bodies and organs quite yet. When he did reach his classroom he lingered outside the door listening to someone give a speech about safe sex, presumably prompted by the upcoming dance. He didn't have to guess who was on the other side of the door, but he _did_ have to go in. He held his breath and entered the room in one quick motion.

"Oh, Hi. You must be Mr. Ojie. I'm Ms. Gero. Nice to meet you." She was concise in her introduction and went back to her spiel. Vegeta stopped halfway to the back of the room and nodded at the blonde woman before resting against the wall. He was surprised it wasn't the school nurse but all things said, he couldn't complain

 _And here I thought you had to have bat wings or a table ass to be a female teacher at this school._

Vegeta shook his head at the thought and continued listening as she wrapped things up (HA!).

"And that's why butter isn't a substitute for lubricant. Alright guys, I hope you learned some new stuff and I hope I was able to expound better on some old stuff. If you have any questions.. well go to the nurse first, okay?"

Ignoring the crickets and gagging noises, she walked up to my hubsa...er I mean.. to Vegeta and held out her hand. "It's Ms. Gero, but you can call me Juu. I'm the new school therapist. He shook her hand and noted what a firm grip she had. She didn't really smile at him, just grunted after they broke apart and walked off."

Vegeta walked over to his desk but before he could pull out his roll book, a student raised their hand.

"What?" _We haven't even started class yet_.

"Can margarine be used in _place_ of butter?"

...This was going to be a long day...

With his last period being his free period, Vegeta chucked the student's papers into his briefcase and decided to head home early. He almost made it to the door when the gym teacher came in with a smile that said he wanted to talk.

"Move Kakarot. I'm going home."

"Well hey, wait a minute. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You never came by to spar this weekend and you didn't really put up much of a fight over the chaperone thing. Everything alright?" he leaned against the door frame with a concerned look on his face. One that Vegeta wanted to claw off..

"I don't need a babysitter" he seethed. "I'm fine. There wasn't really anyway to get out of it this morning and it's only an hour anyway so.." He made a hand gesture for Goku to move.

"Oh..okay. Well I got stuck with second shift duty but I'm going to see if Chi-Chi wants to come with me. Maybe we'll even show up earlier so we can all hang out. I hear Yamcha's on first shift with you and Bulma."

 _Suicide booths aren't real right? I got that from Futurama?_

Vegeta nodded to himself in confirmation, leaving Goku wondering what he was thinking about as he pushed past him and walked down the hallway.

"Well I'm here if you need anything" he hollered after him. He knew he would never deign to do that but he grinned when he thought about the snacks they would have at the dance.

The teacher parking lot was already half empty. Vegeta stood outside of his car fumbling around for his key fob. When he pulled it out of his pocket, it was tangled up in the leather strap that holds it to the other keys. He tugged on it gently at first, trying to ease it off but the more people he saw walking out, the tighter is grip got. He started yanking at it faster, getting red faced and flustered, but still no release. Not caring if he damaged it at that point he gripped it as tight as he could and jerked it off...

But he didn't jerk it off fast enough...

"How exactly does a teacher afford that car?"

He almost didn't acknowledge her presence at all, but he was learning how persistent she could be.

"What?"

"I know it's none of my business. But that's a very expensive car and..." she smelled the air around him.

"..that's very expensive cologne."

He would be lying if he wasn't a little impressed about her knowledge of well..at least the price of the car. And she did know what it was when she walked up to him at the movies..

"You're right, it's not your business." He opened the door to his car.

 _He was definitely more pleasant when he was half asleep_

"I wasn't trying to pry or anything, it's just a nice car and historically...well teacher's don't make that much money. Do you invest or something?"

He rolled his eyes and threw his briefcase onto the passenger seat. "Something like that."

She pushed a few of the gravel stones with her feet.

"Anything else?"

Her eyebrows crinkled . "Actually, yeah. Why are you being so rude?"

Vegeta smirked. "I'm the rude one? I'm pretty sure I was the one who came bearing gifts and yet ended up in my own bed _alone_."

She thought the ground was about to split beneath her. "WHAT?! You're pissed because you fell asleep and I didn't bother waking you up to fuck-.." She looked around and lowered her voice closer to a whisper.

"..to fuck you? Seriously?!"

His brows furrowed with rebuttal. "I don't care that you let me sleep! I care that I woke up with another guy three feet away from me!"

Bulma's face went from livid to highly amused when other people in the parking lot started staring at him.

A slight blush started to run across his cheeks and for a second Bulma thought he might actually be more human that he was letting on.

"Look" she sighed. "I just thought that maybe you had a roommate or sibling or someone that might be worried about you if you didn't make it home, especially considering what happened right before. I wasn't trying to make you feel rejected."

Vegeta snorted at the suggestion. _Rejected? Seriously, what woman rejects me._

"..Or I don't know... maybe you have a girlfriend or something.." Bulma rubbed her arm nervously, kicking herself for adding that last part in there.

"I can assure you if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't of been with you that night."

Vegeta felt a little weird about that statement and wondered if he just implied something he shouldn't have judging by the look on her face. It did effectively shut up her bitching though...so whatever.

But then she opened her mouth again.

"So there's this new therapist around school. Have you seen her? I hear she's really pretty."

Vegeta eyed her carefully wondering where she was going with this. "I have. And yes, she is."

It may have been cruel but the way her nostrils flared slightly at his remark made his chest 'tingle' a little.

Bulma clicked the back of her teeth. "M'kay. She took over my sex ed class this morning. I was booked for two rooms, so the principal got her to cover one of them." She could tell Vegeta's interest was way past gone so she decided to end the conversation on a neutral note.

"I'll be teaching one again tomorrow, your second period class. See ya then." With a wave and a very intentional sway of her hips, she was gone.

It was hard to stay mad with a view like that. But he was truthful in what he said, he wasn't really mad at her, just the case of blue balls he bartered for sleep apparently.

0-0-0-0-0

 _"Am I sure..?" She reiterated his question. Her voice seemed different suddenly, but he brushed it off._

 _"I'm being nice here. Normally, I wouldn't ask. I just don't want to -.."_

 _She swayed her head side to side and let out an cacophonous laugh as she clutched his hand and pushed it harder into her chest. He inhaled sharply, not feeling comfortable were this was going, just as strands of hair started falling from her head. She gripped his hand harder and pushed it into her chest. Frozen to the bed, his hand plunged deep into a festered hole that felt much like the inside of a ripe gourd._

 _Autonomously, he shoved his other hand into a small hole in her abdomen and began pulling out filaments of elongated organs covered in gelatinous muck. Her shrill laugh turning into blood curdling screams. But he couldn't stop. He started tugging and ripping at her skin until the only thing left in front of him was a disemboweled skeleton. He pulled out his hands and held them close to his face, examining them. He looked back and forth between his palms and the flayed remains in front of him as the magnitude of his actions set in. Bile began to rise in his throat and his breaths became labored and shallow. He backpedaled to the head of the bed until he ran into it with a 'ding'._

 _..._

 _.._

 _"What?" Raditz looked over at Vegeta who was strewn haphazardly across the other end of the couch._

 _"What?" he said between heavy pants._

 _"You said you have to get your laundry?"_

 _He stared at him in bewilderment and looked around the room in quick movements, trying to gain some clarity. Things were getting more confusing by the minute but Vegeta's pride got the better of him, so he reined it in._

 _"My bad. What I mean to say was what the fuck are you doing here and how did I get to my house?"_

 _"Well first off.." Raditz brought up an index finger. "You dream about doing laundry? Ha, that's amazing. My dreams are always so weird. Like I'm running away from something that isn't there or I lose some teeth. Second, was it de-pressing?" He busted out laughing totally ignoring the glare he received._

 _"Get it? De-pressing? Like getting garments pressed...cause you were doing lau-. Ahh. Never mind... But seriously, you look kind of pale. Were the piles of clothes never ending or something?" He teased with a cheesy grin._

 _"No." he bit out. "Nothing that stupid." He trailed off momentarily. "But I think the Crypt Keeper might have been there..." Raditz's stupid grin remained. Vegeta rolled his eyes. "What..uh..What happened anyway?" He wiped the remaining sleep out of his eyes and attempted to look at the time on his missing watch again._

 _"Oh, right. Well I got a call from Kakarot who got a call from some gorgeous girl that said you were passed out on her couch." He held up his hand in attempt to get a high five, but Vegeta wouldn't budge, so he dropped it before continuing._

 _"Too much alcohol or exhaustion..Something like that. Long story short, I brought you home, watched a little skinemax, put on a movie when I was done and threw some muffins in the oven. Actually I just heard the timer go off right as you woke up. Be right back."_

'So nothing happened then? Pfft..figures. And what did he mean by "When I was done"..?'

 _Vegeta shuddered at the thought and pinched the bridge of his nose to try to piece together the last few hours. He remembered something about camping and tiny Matterhorns..but everything after that was a blur. He gave the night a final shrug and looked for the remote to see what movie Raditz put in._

 _With the push of one button, a familiar theme song started emanating from the tv. God he loved that movie_

 _~We're going to take a walk outside today. Going to see what we can find today.. Going to take a walk outside today...Going to see what we can find today.. On a pretty little farm~_

 _"They're banana-nut!"_

 _"Ah.!"Vegeta jumped and halted his lip syncing when the ninja on his right held a tray out in front of him._

 _"No thanks. And get out."_

 _Raditz just laughed it off and handed Vegeta the remote as he started to gather his things. He packed a few muffins for the road but ultimately left most of them for Vegeta._

 _Turning off the tv, he headed for the bedroom and started undressing. Had his bed ever been this comfortable? He almost started purring when he slid his body into it against the grain of the silk sheets. He rolled his head back and forth across the pillow taking advantage of how cool it was. It was only a matter of minutes before he was out again._

End Notes:

Well I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter! Sorry it took me so long to get out. I want to say that the next one will be out sooner, but I've got so much going on right now (not including excuses XD) that I don't want to hold myself to something I can't keep. For the long wait though I did throw in some extra humor of all sorts so I hope that got a few laughs. This one may have a few more grammatical errors because I didn't proof it too closely before posting. As always R and R and I hope you guys enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

"And you didn't see anybody else?"

He studied the man's face carefully, looking for any signs of falsification or inconsistency, but he found it hard to focus with the chattering of ceramic.

"N..No..No just the young lady. She checked in by herself. Paid in cash." The scruffy hotel clerk tilted back his cup, getting every last drop and Nappa couldn't help but wonder if it was the obvious years of alcoholism or the scene he welcomed his morning with in Room 308 that was causing him to slowly chip away at his tea cup.

Nappa ran a large palm over his face and rested his hand under one side of his jaw briefly before reaching into his coat pocket.

"Well take my card and call me, **and only me** , if anyone _suspicious_ comes around?"

"Suspicous huh?" The clerk scratched the stubble on his chin. "Well now that you mention it, there was a younger man that came around a few days ago, asked for that room in particular. Room 308. Don't know if he stayed there, but he paid cash too so I didn't take down a name."

"And that's protocol? If they pay cash, you don't ask? And why didn't you say anything an hour ago when I first asked you?" The man cowered under Nappa's scrutiny.

"I..I've owned this hotel for 34 years. I've never had a problem until this morning. Truthfully, I've had a significant increase in the amount of cash paying customers the last few years, so it didn't seem like pertinent information. Mostly just younger women too. I just didn't really thi-"

"Do you remember what he looked like at least?" he snapped at the man, cutting him off.

"I..I..If you show me a picture maybe I could point him out? Bum eye, ya know? The glaucoma." The man sat the saucer on his desk and pulled a tissue out of his back pocket, wiping off his forehead before bringing it to his nose.

"Wait here."

Nappa returned from his car a moment later with a few blurry photographs and an artist rendering.

"Ringing any bells?"

The older man squinted one eye and traced his finger along the graphite before focusing on the photographs. "That one." He pointed to the second photo in the lineup. The one that most resembled the rendering.

"And you're sure?"

"Well, my memory isn't what it used to be, but I'd bet a few ponies on it."

"Gambling's a bad habit." Nappa stuffed the picture back into a folder he was holding and tucked it neatly under his arm before shoving a finger into the man's face.

"Don't talk to anyone else about this. No friends, no family, no one. As far as you're concerned this never happened. Got it?"

He nodded in agreement but Nappa was seasoned to dealing with civilians and knew the man didn't absorb anything he said; corroborated by what came out of his mouth next.

"Well what about my room?

"Your _room_ is officially an active crime scene. I'll try to get someone down here to get the body out in a timely manner and clean what we can but as of now, that whole floor is condemned until further notice.

He left the hotel clerk to work out the conniption he was having on his own while he headed towards his car to pull up a profile on his laptop.

-0-0-0-0-0-

"Thanks for coming with me. Not sure how I could decide between slutty slut or slutty corn on the cob by myself." Bulma held up a provocative piece of produce across her front and quirked an eyebrow in the mirror.

"Well you can always go as a slutty nurse." Chi-chi said with a grin. "But yeah, your welcome. I'm just glad I finally have another woman to go shopping with. I don't think Goku's ever seen anything but the food court here. Maybe that place with the free pretzel samples."

"At least he's really cute. A little on the lighter side upstairs but he seems really sweet. How did you guys meet?"

"Well the first year I taught here, we had an end of the year festival for all the elementary students. You know, where they have games, contests, rides..those sort of things?

Bulma nodded as she tested the elasticity of a pair of panties she picked up.

"Well that same year a new budget approval came through for some renovations. They decided to remove most of the playground equipment and replace it with those weird artsy jungle gym things. A pretty healthy budget was approved so they expanded the playground and it took over most of the ball field. The last two months of school it was nothing but fertilizer and mud so they decided to have the festivities in the high school gym and courtyard since it's within walking distance to the elementary school."

"Ah. And that's where you met Goku? How does this one look?" Bulma held a dress up against her body and turned a few times in front of the mirror.

"Too short. Yeah he was actually helping set up some of the wooden booths in the gym with Yamcha. I was setting up a table for the bake sale, putting out some display pastries. I turned around to grab a few things from the boxes I stored them in and next thing I know, seven of my muffins are gone."

"It's supposed to be short, it's a halloween costume. Exactly how many muffins do you have..?" Chi-Chi ignored the elbow being jabbed into her side but let out a small chuckle.

"Anyway you pervert...long story short, half the profits I made that day were from him and-

"You let him go all the way behind the bleachers?" She grinned as she picked up a costume with a rabbit wand..? Vibrator..? Whatever.

"Hardy har har.. Now let me finish!" Chi-Chi cleared her throat in mock annoyance.

"As I was saying, he bought over half of the stuff I made and aside from the fruit filling smeared across his face, he was one of the nicest looking guys I met when I moved here." Bulma thought it was cute how her face flushed a little when she talked about him.

"I was just lucky he wasn't already seeing someone. If you haven't already noticed, this town if pretty much the grand central station of young, attractive women."

Bulma dropped the hat she was holding just as Pamela Handerson walked by. "Yeah..I sort of noticed that..."

"Truthfully though, it wasn't like that when I first moved here. Seems like just the last year or two the ratio of comic book guys to swimsuit model/cowgirl/brain surgeons has doubled.

"Brain surgeons?" Bulma raised her eyebrow and laughed.

"What? Brains can be sexy. In any case, if you've got your eye on someone, don't wait for them to make the move. Snatch them up before someone else's snatch does..."

She side eyed Chi-Chi and stared laughing at what came out of her mouth. She was sure Chi-Chi was the type to still have separate shoes for church and work.

"Well, I don't have my eye on anyone in particular, but I did have a pretty good time at the movie the other night. Thanks for letting me come by the way. So what do you know about the other two? They don't seem to be fans of each other." Bulma tossed a hat back on the shelf. "Everything here is sort of played out."

"Yeah, let's try another store. Maybe the one with the slutty ceiling fan costume on display?" Bulma nodded at the suggestion. "Well, I'm not sure what the actual history is there, but I know Goku has known Vegeta for a long time. He's closer to his brother I think though, the one that picked him up the other night?"

Bulma gave her a look that said she didn't really want to talk about it, but quickly dismissed it. It wasn't like anything happened anyway.

"What? You thought I didn't know about it." Chi-Chi chuckled lightly at the look on her face. "Raditz is Goku's brother. After Goku drug him off your couch, he had Raditz take him home. You must not have gotten a chance to meet him."

"Hmm.. No, guess I didn't." Bulma didn't commit to furthering the conversation, scared her reputation might precede her.

"And Yamcha?"

"Well I met him the same day I met Goku. They only met when Yamcha was hired a few years back. I've only talked to him at social events and whatnot since I'm at the elementary school, but I have heard _some_ things." Chi-Chi pretended to look for the storefront, waiting to see if she baited Bulma.

"What things?"

"Well, normally I don't gossip," Bulma rolled her eyes. "and I can't attest to this, but I've heard that Yamcha is a bit of a.." Chi-Chi made a few hand gestures to reel in the word she was looking for.

"A bit of a playboy I guess."

Bulma snorted, "Oh really? And what attractive guy isn't?"

"You think he's attractive?" A pathetic attempt at an innocent grin appeared on Chi-Chi's face.

"Ugh..Is it that big of a deal if I say yes?" Bulma laughed while walking into the next store. "Besides, it's not like I'm looking to date anyone right now, just admiring the view. Plus, I'm stuck chaperoning with both of them next Friday so it might be nice to have some conversations pieces."

Chi-Chi grabbed a few dresses and a pair of shoes off the shelf.

"Ha! Don't expect to have any conversations with Vegeta, it would just make him uncomfortable. "Actually" Chi-Chi tapped her chin, "He was _born_ to be uncomfortable, so do what you want." They laughed at themselves as a pretty store clerk walked up to them.

"Can I help you ladies find anything? We have a buy one get one special on Halloween pieces right now."

Bulma inspected a gimp candy cane costume before speaking up. "Umm do you have anything that won't reveal when my last pap smear was?" The appalled look on the clerk's face sent them into another fit before they walked out, holding their sides.

Chi-Chi wiped a tear away from her eye. "Do you even want to dress up for this? I mean it's sort of for teenagers. I'm only going because Goku thinks I like these sort of things and I don't have the heart to tell him I don't. I'm just going to wear a dress with some cat ears or something."

Bulma thought about it decided maybe a bodycon dress with some bunny ears would suffice..

"Yeah, you're right. Besides it will be easier to yell at the student's for inappropriate choices when I'm not setting the standard so low" she giggled. "You and Goku still coming early right?" Bulma batted her eyelashes and gave her an award winning grin. "Apparently I could use the company."

She smiled at her new friend. "I'll let you know closer to time. Sometimes Fridays are our 'alone time'."

Bulma gave her a sweet smile and put an arm around her shoulder, guiding her to the parking lot. "Come on Chi, I'll take you back to your car."

0-0-0-0-0

"Raditz, get in here." A loud voice barked from behind a wooden door with a frosted window.

He knocked once before opening the door and leaning against the frame, coffee mug still in hand.

"Whats up, boss?",

"Are you a rabbit? How about speaking to me properly?" the surly giant groused.

Raditz chuckled before correcting himself. "Sorry, sir. What can I do for you?"

Nappa flipped the paper he had in his hand back on top of the others and tapped them against the desk into a neat pile. "We're meeting tonight. Downtown. I'll text you the address later. And bring that guy with the hair that just raises further questions." With that, Nappa stood up and walked past the door, bumping Raditz with his shoulder. "Don't be late."

"Umm.. Okay?" Raditz took a long sip of his coffee before a thought hit him. _Holy shit, am I getting laid tonight_?

0-0-0-0-0-

The weekend really couldn't have come fast enough.

Vegeta sat at his desk counting down the minutes until he could crush some poor student's hopes of doing well on a test because he ran out of time. He smirked to himself but quickly dismissed the thought, realizing that no one is that big of a jerk... Or shouldn't be at least...

He picked up his purple, wrinkled stress reliever and started squishing it in one hand, thinking about how surprisingly uneventful the last week had been. Even the sex ed class hotty hot hot nurse taught was...educational at best. Bleh.

The only entertaining thing was the stories he made up in his head about the scratch on his neck. It might have been annoying how many people asked about it, but not as annoying as the fact that that was the only thing on his neck. Even though it had been almost a whole week, he still couldn't piece together what actually did happen that night. It was almost disturbing how sure he was he could feel her lips against his skin and how close he was to-

"putting it in.."

Vegeta almost fell out of chair his when his thoughts were interrupted. "WHAT?!"

The boy's face paled a bit as he hesitated to answer. "I..I'm putting my test in the tray. You said to put them in the tray on your desk, right? I..I was just letting you know I'm putting it in now.."

"Just hand it to me." Vegeta snatched the paper out of the boy's hand and waved him off.

He exhaled sharply and threw the now squished California Raisin in his top drawer. He looked at the stack of papers and grabbed them before heading towards the hallway. It was the first full weekend he had off in a long time and he was looking forward to it...

..Until something he should've seen coming a mile away made its way into the classroom.

"Hey Vegeta, long time no see!"

"I just saw you yesterday Kakarot. And the day before that. And the day before that", he snorted.

"Oh I know, I was kidding. It's a joke cause...nevermind. Anyways, Chi-Chi got out early and went over to the mall with Bulma but she left her car here so I'm waiting for her to get back. Wanna come up to the gym and practice some moves or something?"

He initially turned his nose up at the offer but decided maybe he could skip his morning workout tomorrow if he managed to get two in today. After getting the message from Raditz he was going out, what he assumed was drinking, there was no way he would feel like getting up at six a.m. to exercise, not on a Saturday.

"Fine Kakarot. I'll go but I'm working out on my own. I don't feel like having another man touch any part of me right now.."

 _Holy shit that sounded gay_

"Ok."

 _Whew_

After burning out his legs with weighted squat jumps, Vegeta got down into a plank and started a round of pushups. Goku had already warped two belts on the treadmill and was trying to install a third. Vegeta laughed at the scene, comparing it to a crab building a Lincoln Log house until Goku reminded him about the three resistance loops he broke.

"Where's the popcorn when you need it?"

Vegeta's attention turned to the two women standing at the entrance and he quickly dropped to his knees. Why give them a free show?

"Hey Chi! Did you have fun? Did you eat yet? I'm starving." Goku jumped off the treadmill and rubbed his stomach.

"No honey, we didn't eat." Chi-Chi let out a chuckle. "You want to get something I'm guessing?" She walked over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You betcha! Hey are you guys hungry. We can all go get some pizza or something if you want." Goku turned his attention to the Bulma first. "We're done here. We just need to shower off real quick."

"Well, I could always go for pizza, so I'm in. Thanks guys." She smiled at them and started digging through her purse for her sunglasses.

"Come on Vegeta. I know you're hungry, I heard your stomach over there. Go shower off and we can-"

"No."

"It'll be fun. We can go to Chuck E-"

"I've seen you eat Kakarot. It's not fun... and were you seriously getting ready to say Chuck E. Cheese?"

Goku gleamed at the thought, until a figure shuffled through the door.

"Speaking of unpaid child support.." Vegeta grumbled as he got up and grabbed a bottle of water. Bulma let out a small chuckle but quickly reined it in to not appear rude.

"Hey guys! I thought I heard a conversation going on without me. What are y'all doing here?"

"Hi ya Yamcha! The girls went to the mall after school and I was just waiting on them, so 'Geta and I decided to get some plyo's in. What are you doing here still?"

Yamcha held up a piece of wood that resembled a round, stemmed object. "I'm making a few props for the halloween dance. Just some wooden decorations and stuff, ya know, for the _decor_." The way he enunciated decor made it overly obvious he was only doing this out of vocation and not recreation. "This here's supposed to be a pumpkin..."

"I didn't know pumpkins were anatomically correct", Vegeta snorted.

"Just ignore Vegeta, he's hangry." Chi-Chi stuck her tongue out at him and Vegeta snapped at her with his teeth.

"Knock it off you guys. Are you hungry?" Bulma asked.

"Sure?"

"Great!" Goku interrupted. "We're all going to get some pizza if you want to come. Well not Vegeta, but the rest of us anyway. You should come, if you're done I mean."

"I'm in. I might get my own if that's ok. I like extra sausage." Yamcha said a bit overzealously.

"I thought you might.." Vegeta said from across the room.

...

"All right! Well Chi and I will drop one of our cars off at home and then we'll meet you guys there ok?" Goku and Chi-Chi gave them the name of the place before giving a quick wave and heading out the door, leaving Yamcha and Bulma to work out riding arrangements.

"So do you want to ride with me or should I pick you up or something?" Vegeta's ears perked as he wondered what her answer would be...not that it mattered.

"Um, why don't we just drive separately? That way there's no obligation to stay if we don't want to?"

HA! Vegeta inwardly smirked.

"Oh, ok then. Do you know where it is?" Yamcha asked, not really appearing fazed either way.

"I got the address so I'll just put it in my phone. See you there?" She smiled at him as he agreed and headed out the door himself.

She sauntered back over to Vegeta and gave him a once over.

"What?" he spat as he wiped his face off with a towel.

"Last chance to change your mind."

"I'll pass. I've got plans tonight." He grabbed his hydroflask and took a long drink of water, letting a little run down his face, cool as the waters of lake Minnetonka...

She pulled out her compact and applied some lip gloss. "You got a hot date or something?" She closed the mirror shut and threw it in her purse.

"No. I'm painting life sized monsters in children's closets" he deadpanned as he threw the towel in a nearby laundry hamper.

He rolled his eyes at the big grin she had on her face.

"Oh I get it, you're the funny one." She laughed a little more at his expense before concluding their conversation. "That's fine with me, as long as I get to be the cute one." With a quick wink she headed towards the door.

0-0-0-0-0

"This was really good guys, like, _really_ good." Bulma said as she finished her third piece of pizza. "How'd you guys find this little gem?"

Chi-Chi viciously scrubbed some sauce off of Goku's face. "Well if it has to do with food, leave it to my Goku. I don't think there's a restaurant in this town he hasn't been to. And before you ask, yes, we have been to Chuck E. Cheese", she said slightly embarrassed.

"Hey, I'm a sucker for those ball pits as well, so no judgement here", Bulma laughed as she flagged down the waiter. "Did you guys ever venture to the arcade section? They have this fun game called Harpoon Lagoon. Me and my ex used to go there just to play it. We even got the squid one time and -"

"Did you need a refill ma'am?" The waiter grabbed her cup off the table before she could answer.

"Well, yes I did thanks, but that wasn't why I called you over." She got up from the table, blatantly unimpressed with his skills that she deemed more closely matched to an undocumented busboy. She grabbed her purse, and gestured for the waiter to follow her. A few minutes passed before she sat back down.

"Everything ok?" Yamcha asked as he pulled out his wallet.

"Oh everything's fine, but put your wallet away, I've already taken care of it."

"Aww, gosh Bulma you didn't have to do that. I feel bad for eating so many pizzas by myself." Goku said with a grin.

"Well as much as we appreciate it, Goku's right Bulma, you didn't have to do that."

"No Chi, it was my pleasure, honestly. I'm just glad I'm actually making friends. If it makes you feel better, next times on you." She smiled.

"Well I know what would make me feel better." Yamcha chimed in, tilting his chair back on two legs.

"If people stopped calling you Joey Ramone?" Goku asked innocently through a mouth full of cinnamon knots.

Bulma and Chi-Chi both started laughing as a tinge of pink spread across his cheeks. "Well at least Joey has the most street cred of all the Ramones." Bulma managed out.

His chair dropped back down onto all fours, as he watched the pile of napkins slowly deplete.

Bulma took the last one and wiped the tears from her yes."But seriously, I admire a guy who can take care of himself. There's nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance."

"To be fair guys, there's only one guy who calls me that and _he's_ one to talk about hair. " Yamcha rolled his eyes. "At least someone here can appreciate proper grooming. Thank you, Bulma." He gave her a nod.

"Hey nurses don't just aid in physical wounds. I got your back." She hit her chest with her fist twice and then made a peace sign with her fingers.

"Umm.. Not sure, but I think that means mad respect." Goku said before another round of laughing ensued.

"Oh my goodness you guys, I really have no idea!" Bulma wiped away a tear. "It was something I saw on TV. Guess I thought it was appropriate. Anyway, looks like everyone's done so you guys want to head out?."

"Yeah, it's getting a little late for us, even on a Friday." Chi-Chi yawned and stretched her arms up towards the ceiling. "This was a lot of fun though, we'll do it again sometime?"

"Definitely! Thanks again for the invite. I'll see you guys Monday."

Yamcha got up first and quickly appeared behind Bulma, pulling her chair out for her.

Chi-Chi gave Bulma a discreet thumbs up before grabbing Goku's arm and pulling him out the door, still waving goodbye with the other hand.

Bulma shook her head at Chi-Chi and chuckled lightly at Yamcha's gesture. It was nice, but a little too 'Southern Living' for her.

"Thanks, but that wasn't necessary."

Yamcha shrugged his shoulders as he pushed her chair back in. "Well neither was buying dinner, so consider it even."

"Even then" she conceded with a small smile as she sifted through her purse for her keys. She noticed Yamcha still standing beside her, almost avoiding eye contact.

"Was there something else?"

"Actually, yeah." He cleared his throat. "Not sure if it's too late already, but I'm free the rest of the night. It might be nice to do some more getting to know each other, you know, as friends?"

"Oh? Getting to know each other?" She raised her eyebrow at the suggestion.

"Yeah." He laughed. "I just don't feel like we really got a chance to talk the other night and-"

"Well we were at a movie" she chortled, cutting him off.

"Oh so you've got jokes?" He crossed his arms and gave a smirk that looked like a cheap knock off of someone else's.

"That I do, but apparently, I'm not the funny one.."

"What?"

She returned the smirk. "Nevermind. So _as friends_ you say?"

0-0-0-0-0-0-

"And why are you coming to me with this? Why not send one of your glorified mall cops to bring him in if you know who he is?" Vegeta dropped one arm on the table and started strumming his fingers.

"I'm not one for small talk so I'm just going to cut the bull shit right here and get to the point. I can't get involved in this case. By proxy, none of my men can get involved in this case. Alright? I don't want this guy brought in, I want him taken care of by whatever means possible."

Raditz shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Sir, are you sure I should be here? I mean this all sounds pretty..well.. _illegal_. And what do you mean by 'whatever means possible'? You want this guy _dead_?"

"You're only here because I needed you to bring him. As far as I'm concerned, you didn't hear anything. Capiche?"

Raditz gave him a curt nod in agreement but the small knots forming in his stomach had him questioning if he should just get up and leave.

"You want someone killed and you're coming to me?" Vegeta let a mix between a snort and a laugh. "Thanks for the beer, I'm going home."

Nappa pulled out a pen and sat it on the table. "Before you go, why don't you tell me again what happened that night?"

Vegeta gripped the table as a scowl formed across his face. "Why?" he seethed.

"Just want to make sure there's no inconsistencies in your story. I mean who's to say it was really self-defense? No no else was there right? Maybe there was some sort of agenda we didn't know about." Nappa picked up the pen and began tapping it against the wood. "Maybe some sort of pre-meditated-"

"So what, you're blackmailing me into killing someone? Not very _ethical_ of you now is it?" The vein on Vegeta's forehead was threatening to bust.

"No." Nappa stopped tapping the pen and laid it down "But lucky for you I have ethics."

"..As well as other means of persuasion." He pulled out a small slip of paper and wrote something on it before passing it to Vegeta.

Vegeta's eyes never left Nappa's as the paper was slid between them and crushed under Vegeta's hand. "There's really no need for me to read this. I'll just tell you I was going to check the box that says 'No, I don't like you."

Nappa's smug face never faltered. "It's not enough for you to retire early, but I think you'll find it may help get you there."

Vegeta flipped the paper over, leaving it out in the open on the table for all three of them to see. It wasn't chump change by any means. In fact, it was by a wide margin the largest number he'd ever been offered.

Raditz choked down his drink and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "This guy isn't on the bonds registry. There's no bounty out for him? Where's this much money coming from?"

"Didn't I already make it clear this doesn't this involve you?"

"Why me then?" Vegeta clasped his fingers together and leaned his elbows on the table.

"Because you have a nice smile", Nappa said sarcastically

"Tch."

"Look, I know your type. I've seen what you're capable of. You think just because this was the first time I saw you at the precinct that I haven't kept some tabs on you? Every bounty that gets sent to bail bonds comes through me first, I approve it. You think it was a coincidence that the last bounty you tagged ended up dead? How fucking stupid would I be If I didn't know there was a pedofile running free under my watch? "

"Wait, you knew he...What?" Raditz was too stunned at the admission to complete his sentence with any coherent thought.

"I killed someone because you wanted to test me?" Vegeta seethed in a low, demanding voice.

"Don't get the wrong idea kid, you're nothing special." Nappa pulled out a cigarette and drew it between his lips. "I just think you're capable and like I said, it's a good opportunity."

The giant pulled out his wallet and threw a couple of buck on the table before shuffling to the end of the bench seat. "I'll be expecting an answer Monday." And with that, he was gone.

There was a palpable tension in the air as the two men were left to each other. "Look, Vegeta, I swear I had no idea about th-" He raised a hand up to Raditz's face to shut him up.

He looked away, avoiding eye contact briefly. "I know you didn't." He blew out a long breath before acknowledging the slip of paper again and shoving it in his pocket.

Raditz tugged at the label on his bottle. "So what are you going to do?"

"Send you to the bar to get some more drinks.."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Seriously Bulma!? You want a Rhinoceros to lick your toes?"

Bulma spun her bar chair around in a laughing fit, surprised by how much she liked 'twenty questions'; surprised by how good of a time she was having.

"Hey, you said no judgement!"

"All right, all right." Yamcha smiled at her while kicking back a second beer. "Now it's your turn."

She took another sip of her drink while thinking of a question.

"So spill. What would make you feel better?" Bulma swirled her stirrer around in her drink before using it as a straw.

"Huh?"

"Earlier at dinner. You were about to say something would make you feel better. Remember?Before the whole Joey Ramone tangent?"

"OH! Right. Well I don't think that counts, but I was going to say, it would make me feel better if I wasn't the only one who has never been to Chuck E. Cheese."

"You've never been to Chuck E. Cheese?!"

A tall man with also scientifically unproven hair standing at the bar jerked around, spilling a little bit of his drink. "Who hasn't been to Chuck E. Chee-.. Joey?"

"Raditz? What are you doing here?"

"Uh..business meeting type thing. What are you doing here? And how's it hanging by the way? Long time no see." He held out his hand and gave Yamcha's a firm shake.

"I can't complain. Thanks for asking. Actually, funny enough, we just came from dinner with your brother and Chi-Chi. It was a little too early to call it a night so we came out for a drink."

"We? You on a date?"

Bulma peeked her head around Yamaha's shoulder. "It's not a date. Just getting to know each other. And it's nice to officially meet you." Bulma held out her hand, preparing for the awkwardness of having to explain to Yamcha how she _unofficially_ knew him.

"You two have met before?" Yamcha looked between the two of them.

"Have we?" Raditz gave Bulma a genuinely confused face, letting her take the lead.

"Oh..No, No I guess we haven't. I'm Bulma. I'm the new nurse at the high school. I've heard a few things about you from Chi."

"Oh really? Well don't spread too much around. I can't keep 'em all satisfied as is." He winked to a shooter girl walking by. Bulma giggled at the comment while Yamcha snorted into his drink.

"They make such a great couple! I'm surprised he hasn't popped the question yet. I'm assuming _you're_ not seeing anyone steadily?", she said cheekily.

He debated making a comment on how he could make an exception for her but declined since he did have a pretty good idea of who she was.

"Not sure this appropriate conversation for someone I just met but since it's out there" Raditz shrugged his shoulders "why have one when I can have 'em all?"

"Cheers to that!" Bulma held up her glass as Raditz tapped his against it. The two laughed as Yamcha ordered another beer, not feeling like part of the conversation anymore.

"So I take it you're not seeing anyone either?"

"Well, I see a guy over there, two right here, and one at that table over there."

Raditz wiped off the water ring under his beer. "Maybe stick to being the cute one.."

They exchanged one more laugh before Yamcha cleared his throat, giving Raditz the cue to get exit, stage left.

"Well it was nice to meet you Bulma, but I don't want to keep Vegeta waiting."

"Oh, I didn't know you knew Vegeta. He's here too?" Bulma mentally praised herself for the convenient little lie she thought of on the spot.

"Yeah, we go way back. We're right over there, so feel free to stop by before you guys leave." He gave them a quick nod and ensured they'd make plans to get together sometime before heading back to the table.

"He seems like a nice guy. Now where were we? Was it your turn?"

Yamcha was relieved that she was so quick to dismiss Raditz's invite and got back to what they were doing.

"Yeah, it is my turn. So, this'll be my final question..."

"...Since we're both chaperoning the Halloween dance Friday, do you want to go with me? As a date I mean?"

* * *

HA! Did anyone get the Chappelle Show reference? So funny, right? I'll make sure to give a big shout out to the first person that does! I'm over hear trying to explain to my husband why I'm laughing out loud since he had no idea what I write in my spare time.

Oh man you guys. I was so tired when I posted this, so me editing is probably horrific. Please inform me of any gross grammatical errors. Peas and carrots. And so sorry I forgot to post here. Check me out over at AO3 for quicker updates!


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